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Confessions of a F*uckboy

Today marks the end of my fast from dating and sexual relations. One of the reasons I did this was the realization that I needed a new consciousness about dating and about sex. Why? Because I was a fuckboy. A fuckboy is a guy who is into strictly sexual relationships; he will lead a person on, build his or her trust and genuinely pretend to like the person only to lose interest once they have achieved their conquest. At one point this past summer I had twenty one dates with different people in a single month period. While I slowed down in the fall, realizing I was out of control, I still had the same mindset....often not even realizing the games I played with people's hearts. Thus, the need for this fast.

During this fast, I realized that I was a fuckboy trying to avoid real intimacy with a cheap facade. I did not have to risk getting close to anyone and thus did not risk getting hurt. This fast gave me another way to be. I gave myself no allowances for dating nor sex. Because of this, I began to relate to people as people, not as a potential lover. I could let my guard down. I became aware of times I might feel a bit of loneliness and where the impulse to get on the dating apps and secure a hookup would arise, but I worked through it. I found productive things to do. I began to really read again. I prayed. I meditated. I explored what was really going on in my mind and heart.

So now where do I go? My intent is to go forward and keep being genuine. The apps are deleted from my phone. I won't date compulsively. I won't date more than one person at a time. I will be real and honest. I will be honorable with those around me and not see them as an object or potential lover, but rather act with integrity and allow them the dignity with which they deserve to be treated. I kiss, the old fuckboy label goodbye.

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