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Showing posts from April, 2013

God in the Midst of Suffering

I remember when I first read the book When Bad Things Happen to Good People by Rabbi Harold Kushner many years ago.  I was shocked by his premise that God could not do all things and thus could not save us from our suffering.  Gnosticism too seems to have a similar premise that God is spirit and this physical world is not his making and domain.  The Christian mystics such as Teresa of Avila share "Christ has no body on earth, but yours.  No hands, no feet but yours."

     With the explosion at the fertilizer factory and the bombing at the Boston Marathon,  I ask why these things happen. Where is God in all this?  I honestly have no answer.  However, I think the Divine is present with us during these events.  God is present in "the least of these" and what bit we do is enough...our little offering to God.

     My theology has been shattered over the course of these four months.  Sitting day in and day out with my Beloved in the hospital, saying goodbye to him t…


During the day I work with underprivledged kids which is a fantastic though exhausting ministry.  From there, I go to the hospital to sit with my Beloved.  By the time I get home at night, I am pooped!  I take my dog out  for a walk under the night sky and the dark, coupled with the waxing and waning of the moon, the stars and clouds and my soul is utterly refreshed.  It is here that I hear the voice of the Mother, the Divine Feminine singing over me a song of peace and refreshing.  I come in and finish my day's chores and then when all is done I visit my altar.  I light the candle, the incense, and ring the bell and look at the images that point me to the Divine Presence that is in all things and yet beyond all things.  It is a perfect ending to the day...some days I cry, some days I pray, others I sit in silence, reflect or simply just do this little duty as an offering and go to bed.  I am so thankful for the blessed night.

The Divine Twins

T Thorn Coyle has written a great article talking about the Divine Twins or what Starhawk in her book The Fifth Sacred Thing, "the Good Reality and the Bad Reality".  The Divine Twins, the bright and dark twins show up at various times in our lives.  In sitting with my spouse,  there are times when the bright twin shows his/her my love's laugh, in good news, and just the appreciation of the time we have together.  But other times we fall through the ice into the bad reality, when his pain is overwhelming, when we receive bad news, or we are tired and grumpy.

What I loved about Thorn's writing today is she really hit home she talks about sitting with both twins simultaneously.  Here is the link:


I received some great news today. The biopsy from my partner's abscess have revealed what type of bacteria it is and that the regimen of antibiotics he is on will take care of it. He will survive and heal. Though the process of recovery will be slow, at least it will not be fatal.

Through all of this, I have really wrestled in my relationship with God and really trying to understand who God is. With all this also questions of the afterlife are right there with me.

One thing that stands strong in me is that I am a Universalist. In the Gospel of Thomas, the reader is challenged to go within and realize they are a child of God...a spark meant to return to the fire. The Bhagavad Gita reminds us too that no one will be lost and even a leaf offered will be accepted. The Gospel of Matthew too speaks that in serving another they are serving God even if they do not know it. What these things point to is an incredible God who sees any goodness as done to God's self. In the Go…

My Husband, the Guru

I swear I think my husband has become my guru.  As I have written, he has been in the hospital with a mass on his brain.  We are running on 3-4 months now he has been in the hospital.  With all this has come an unexpected change.  His personality and worldview has changed.

I have to admit initially, I was not sure about this...wondering if this was even the same man with whom I fell in love.  Before he was quiet, reserved, very private, did not like to go to new places, nor try new things.  Now he has a passion for life, new foods, new places, exploring and enjoying life for every succulent drop.

My life has changed in the past few months as well.  I get up, go to work, then go to the hospital until it is time to go home and go to bed, only to repeat this the next day.  But being with him day in and day out, outside of our comfort zone of our home has been a purifying fire.  I am learning to love and serve him as God.  In turn he teaches me how to live and approach life.  For example, h…